Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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