We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
