OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
