she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
