you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
