Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Two words: nipple clamps
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