It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
