Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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