i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
