I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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