I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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