It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
