im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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