I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
