i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
