Nicole vs. Life
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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