do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
