OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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