You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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