there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
