You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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