I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
