belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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