He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
