Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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