Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
