i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
