So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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