Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
