he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
