shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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