Sry I called you an 8
what day is it and did you see me today?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
