OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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