I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
