what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
