I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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