there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
