I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
