plz talk dirty to me
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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