So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
