K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Even my vagina gasped.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
