see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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