You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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