woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
