Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
