Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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