I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
