woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
