my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
