dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
