How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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