Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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