3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
